I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
