You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize