I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
