**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
