im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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