maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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