His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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