who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
