He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize