I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
