cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
