you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize