also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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