So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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