Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
MIDGETS
????
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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