This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
