WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
