its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
