I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize