Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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