he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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