At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
