"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
