Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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