Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize