We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
