ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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