Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There's always time for handjobs
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize