News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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