I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
