You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
