It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
