So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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