4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
