I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
