Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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