I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
