So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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