I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
