He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
