im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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