I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize