Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize