Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
