tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
