we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
