so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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