i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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