White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
