You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
