I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
