i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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