He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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