the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
