am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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