dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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