so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
