I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
