i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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