So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
