My hair reeks of homosexuality.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i think my cat just said my name.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
