Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
