i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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